Week # 4…Monsters Under The Bed

Hello everyone, I hope you’re having a great week!

I’ve noticed something rather disturbing over the last ten or twelve days of doing the exercises. When I see my DMP and PPNs and hear myself reading in my dreams, traumatic people and events from my life invade and replay until I wake in a sweat with my heart hammering out of my chest. I know it’s PTSD as I survived a very abusive childhood and have been in and out of therapy for major depression and PTSD since adolescence. I remember feeling the cold dark sadness around age 5. I curently take an antidepressant and have tried them all since admitting I had a problem with depression in my late teens. The medication helps to a degree. This is scary as hell. I really hoped MKMMA might help me find my happy place. Now I’m unsure. It feels like I opened Pandora’s Box. This is playing hell with my life.

I work on call for hospice and am required to be available 88.5-94.5 hours a week for a 40 hour salary. The hours are very erratic; scheduling a routine, including sleep, is all but impossible, I’ve spent the last few weeks playing Legos with sleep, my assignments and readings. I’m barely hanging on. Jobs for Licensed Practical Nurses aren’t well paying or plentiful. Another motivator for MKMMA. Where do I go from here? Today, I seriously don’t know. I never expected this sort of psychological fallout.

I’m going to email my Guide and let them know what’s going on. That’s a good place to start.

Thank you all for being here, I wish you boundless joy and success šŸ™‚

Update 10/24/14 @ 1807

I’m restoring this post to public because it is what it is. I was feeling vulnerable and embarrassed when I changed the settings. Then I remembered Derek J’s tremendous leap of faith and courage with sharing about his depression. I am not alone in this journey. I am a winner! I will move past this crisis point and find my bliss!

Thank you all for being here šŸ™‚

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Week # 3…A Scalpel Or A Sledgehammer?

What a week! The Universe is throwing down converging challenges. Hmmm, I like that term ‘converging challenges’. What does it mean? It means Murphy’s been working overtime. Who the hell is Murphy? The guy who formulated Murphy’s Law.TheseĀ challenges are motivating me to work harder that I may realize my PPNs of Autonomy and Liberty.

I’ve been very unsatisfied with my DMP containing SMART goals, I don’t know if I want to surgically alter it with a scalpel, or apply gentle persuasion with a sledgehammer. I chose a scalpel, I’m waiting for my Guide’s input. Next week I may be aggravated enough to swing the sledgehammer.

And the WPOA. Every draft I’ve laboriously written out reads like an insurance policy. Yes I know it’s 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration.

Thank you everyone for the reads, comments, likes and follows. Early on I went at the social media thing with hammer and tongs, reading, commenting, liking and following somewhat helter skelter before our most recent assignment to follow the first five after my name. Like a blind dog navigating inside a smokehouse. I’m making some cool friends just following that trail of glow in the dark breadcrumbs. It really is going to be alright.

I’m asking the Universe for a lower stress workweek in the coming week. My job has been in hyperdrive with major stressors the past 10-15 days. Keeping currrent with my MKMMA mission has been a challenge. There have been days I read aloud three times to my dog because one workday has melded into the next without real sleep and I simply can’t remember reading aloud, so I do it again to be sure. I know when I’m injecting appropriate enthusiam by the way my dog Zoey listens and tilts her head. Boy am I ready for autonomy and liberty!

That’s it for now, my brain feels like vulcanized rubber. I hope everyone is having a great week.

Blessings and happy thoughts to all.

 

MKMMA Week #2 Update

I’ve reviewed the Blog Roll…almost slipped by me!Ā Found five classmates after my name, they are all named Mark, how cool is that? My classmates are sharing some great material, please check them out!

Read, commented, followed, tweeted. Oops, I need to see if they’re showing up on my Twitter apps. This social media thing is more involved than I realized it would be. Lots of variables in all these equations. It’s all good, the Universe wouldn’t present the challenges if I wasn’t ready to meet them head-on.

Thank you classmates, alumni and everyone else whose interest I have piqued.

Happy thoughts and blessings be with you!

MKMMA Week #2…Stretch…

Hello everyone, how’s your Week 2 going?

My job has been very demanding this week. Thank you, Full Moon. I work as a hospice nurse and activity does increase around full and new moons. It’s been several days of long hours, little sleep and lots of multitasking.

I’ve had a rollercoaster week.Those 2 thousand concious workers went on strike against the 4 billion unconcious workers. But by God those 4 billion WON!

I misplaced my cards over the weekend. They may well be found at a patient’s house. So I made more. I will not accept defeat or failure! And maybe whomever finds them may ask me “What on earth are these for”? That’s a great opener to share my MKMMA experience.

HOW did they win? Dreams. Yes, dreams, then more dreams. It seems my ‘subby’ is working for me. During the few hours available for sleep, I’ve been dreaming vividly about my PPNs and DMP. Like they’re IMAX movies and I’m the star. This is very unnerving and unexpected. I mean these dreams are so real, the emotion stays with me for hours after I wake. Thank you, ‘subby’.

A big THANK YOU to everyone following, liking and commenting on this blog and Twitter. Jumping back and forth from TweetCaster on my smartphone and TweetDeck on my PC keeps me on my toes to reciprocate. When I get breathing time, I will review follows, likes and comments and return the favor. I wonder how many MKMMA friends I’ll count in a year, two years down the road?

There goes the phone, back to work.

Have a great week!

MKMMA Week #1- Beginnings…

I began this journey several days ago when I set my alarm for 3:00 a.m. to be an early bird applicant for the MKMMA scholarship webinar. I didn’t sleep much I was so anxious about even applying.

Against what I perceived as overwhelming odds…I received a PIF scholarship! Thousands of people from all over the globe applied, judging from 4,000+ comments Mark J mentioned receiving.
And a loving Universe has given me a unique opportunity to find my bliss.

I’ve submitted my first assignment. I know I’ll be revising the assignment in due time, but I got stuck in perfectionism, so I pared my DMP down to one terse mission statement & held my breath as I hit the ‘send’ key.

The Universe has already issued a challenge: my internet service has been unstable for a few days, but I did use the phone link to hear about two & a half hours of material till the webinar was over.
I’m looking forward to meeting my Guide, as I have questions I don’t see answers for anywhere.

Update: 9/29/14
I got a confirmation email from Dayna that my DMP had been received & was being assigned for review.
Later yesterday I got a confirmation email from my guides. That’s right MKMMA Certified Guides Dan and Jeanna Swiatkowski. So…either I’m blessed with two guides or I’m riding the ‘short bus’! I choose to believe I’m blessed!

I’ve been exposed to great thinker-doers like Hill & Mandino years ago.
I’m seeing them with new eyes thanks to Mark J, The Fab Davene & Team MKMMA.
I’m almost overwhelmed with Haanel’s material. The MKS he presents is mesmerizing in it’s detail.

The Universe is ‘conspiring’ with me for success; my internet service has been restored to much better speeds.
I’m grateful for so many things this morning they’re too numerous to count.

What if MKMMA could be shared with children as they grow up? Wouldn’t that be a truly unique gift for preparing our children to find their bliss? Just thinking about that makes me tingle.

I wish everyone a wonderful day, thank you for reading!

On My Way With MKMMA!

A loving Universe manifested by Mark & Davene granted me a scholarship!!!
I’m exhilarated and terrified by turns.

300 Index cards…check.
Colored pencils…check.
1″ binder…check.
2″ binder…check.
The GS…check.

And I replayed the first video & already ordered TMKS by Charles Haanel before video # 2 came out. ( And I haven’t read it…aaargh! )

Read the first 50 pages ( 7 chapters ) of The GS.

Bought some notebooks to write in, been thinking about what I really want in life. That’s tough stuff.

I know things I want to do…but I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
I absolutely hated that question when I heard it in the first grade.
I couldn’t decide on just one thing!
And why should we be forced into just one thing when so many incredible possibilities exist?

I want to believe MKMMA can help me unlock the amazing potential inside. The potential that got really, really lost. Or sidetracked. Or hammered down like a nail popping up out of a board.
I’m not exactly sure how I made that decision.
The subconscious mind decided it, that’s for sure.

More to come friends…goodnight & rest well.